By that I don't mean like, hey it's 3 am and I am just rolling over and can't sleep.. NO, I mean I am wide awake spiritually and emotionally. I just spent a good long 30 minutes meditating. I was sitting by the river on the back deck of my job and just had a huge awakening when I was in the middle of thought and someone said something that sparked a "sad nerve" of mine and I realized: THAT IS MY SOLUTION. That is why I cannot focus and why I can't think. It's why my mind is so clouded with such garbage that I can't even spit out words sometimes. I am so focused on the negativity that I am killing myself. I'm not saying literally killing myself, but mind-wise. I am tearing myself apart and for what? I have no reason. And I find it kind of ironic that I was able to come to this conclusion being that I am a very positive person. I always look for the best in things and even when dealing with others, I'm able to present a more positive thought and shed a happier light on their situation. It's never as bad as it seems.
My mind literally feels euphoric right now. Like it's having a mental orgasm and this feels so good. I am legitimately smiling a true, hardcore smile. I feel my body waves crashing all over into me like I am a free spirit and could fly away at this very second. This is the most beautiful thing I've ever done for myself.
All of this stemmed from the reaction to writing this.
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