I haven't written anything in a year... So much has changed. I'm in a new decade - I turned 30 on the 2nd.
My mother passed away August 21st and it's been nearly 9 months since I spoke to her. I'm not sure how that happened. I see her all the time and talk to her. I know she's there for me still. Since she's passed, I guess I've developed either a hormone balance or a hormone imbalance. I cry at the little things now, where before, it took everything to force a tear.
I still have that fear of infertility. Other than the fact that my mom dealt with it for nearly 8 years, eventually she had me at 28 and then my sister at 32. Since I'm now 30, I worry... I'm not a shriveled up prune, but I'm also not a blossoming bud either. I haven't had my first. I know they say "wait 12 months before concern," but here we are, month 6 and we are still at square 1, with Aunt Flow about to visit tomorrow. The only good thing about her showing every month is that I know I have regular periods. Am I going to be one of those people that suffers from in-explainable infertility? Am I okay? What's wrong with me? Am I over-thinking? I don't know... but what I know is I hate having to do this journey without my mom here.
Oh... and I say "we" because hey! I married my husband on December 15th! Didn't see that coming, did you? i don't even know where to begin to describe him. He's a man, a typical man in most things like laundry and cooking - I do it, as a wife should. But the support he gives, it's so amazing. It's a Godly love. He would take all my hurt and pain away from me if he could. To have someone genuinely care that much and love that much it such a wonderful gift from God and I couldn't be more grateful to have him as my husband.
I really am not sure where I was going when I started writing this, but I think I'm where I want to end this piece for now. I feel better... even if no-one is listening.
