Silence is the loudest noise ever.

Currently, I'm laying in bed in my empty house with my 2 dogs.  The fans are on and the a/c is running because it's Florida and it's hot.

I had a rough day today.   I was mentally insulted by my own self today.  I told myself that I didn't go to school for 4 years to be a file-bitch.  Yes, filing is a part of every job, but to just do filing was a huge slap in the face.  I also got the cold shoulder from my [now former] supervisor, but then at the end of the day was told "See you tomorrow" with a smile on her face - yet an hour later I got a call that said they were ending my assignment today because she didn't like how I did a spreadsheet. I find it funny because she claimed during week one that she was a "very direct person."  Last I checked, direct people tell you things - directly.  Whatever.

I'm most bothered by the fact that I literally can't figure out what went wrong.  I'm experienced. I don't require much training in a job because of this.  So here I am, left wondering why I am so inadequate.  I work hard and I work well.  What is wrong with me?  Am I not supposed to ask myself that?  Any time you lose a job, unless you directly did something against company policy or you received a layoff, I think you question what happened, especially if you did your job well.

Back on topic, as I'm lying here, all I can hear are my thoughts.  They just keep getting louder and more jumbled together.  I'm not even making coherent thoughts anymore and I can't even understand what it is I'm trying to think.  I am in my early freak-out mode.  Yes, I'll still get a check this week and next, and I have applied for unemployment, but my mind is already passed that.  My mind is to the month from now.  Though, I may have a job tomorrow, who knows?  This isn't the first time I have been let go, but it is the first time I've been unreasonably let go.  I am angry.  I am tempted to call her up and give her a piece of my mind, but due to the fact that I have a professional background and am now a job-seeker, I will bite my tongue and move on.

I didn't really like the job anyway. I should've said no when it was offered to me.  It took me forty minutes to get to work and then forty minutes to get back home.  I was exhausted; I am exhausted - I worked today.  I really dislike working for women for the fact of what she did.  Women are the first to stab you in the back in a workplace.  Women are drama in every instance of life. Because of that, I have very few female friends.  They smile in your face and then talk about you as soon as you turn and walk out of the room.

I said, before I started working at that job, that I wish I would've taken a day or two off between jobs - but hey, I guess I get to do that now! Another positive for tomorrow is getting to sleep in a little. I'm not going to get totally off the early-riser bandwagon because that's not good for a job-seeker.  It's not good when a potential employer calls you and you sound groggy because you just cracked your eyes open for the first time of the day and its noon.  I also received an email from a job I have been pursuing for several months now that could potentially be starting in mid-October - but that's a ways away.  I am here now and I need to find something now, even if it's temporary.

Blogging is so beautiful - for the writer at least.  I love to call my posts "mental vomit".  It's my splurge of words and thoughts that, even if they come out in no particular order, they get to come out.  Instead of me stressing myself out and figuring out what I'm trying to tell myself, I am telling it to myself here, in this mental vomit.  

When I was 14, I got my very first blog on Xanga. I religiously blogged all the time for several years.  Time passed and I got busy and I stopped for a long time.  That's not to say I will blog every day because I think it's like most other things: you have to be in the mood.  I'm not in the mood to post a blog every day, some days I'm not even in the mood to speak or move.

While there are no particular "rules" to blogging, I like to follow a similar subject per blog.  I would love to go to a different subject right now, but that has nothing to do with this, so I won't.  Maybe tomorrow I'll write about it: mental fatigue.