The other day, I got a wild hair up my ass and decided I wanted to get debt free! Yay me. I pulled my credit report and everything. I even went as far as calling all the debtors to get an accurate number. I made a payment on one of the debts and the second half of the debt is set up to be debited on Feb 19th, so one of the 12 debts I have will be cleared.
I have $31,000 in debt, which includes the $12,000 in student loans.
I feel so defeated and worthless.
I did a budget this past week and before I did the budget, I thought I was doing pretty good with my money, especially since I had quite a bit left after every check! Great, right? WRONG. I was overspending, by a ton.
I have now allocated every single dollar of my checks into my budget and I have $0 left over. Of course, that's with me putting away some into savings each month, but still.
I need a new career. Something with meaning. More money would be great, too, but I'm not really searching for that. I want a career with purpose and challenge. I'm tired of doing the same thing every day; waking up and going to a job that has no meaning for me. I leave after the end of the work day and I don't feel like I have done anything significant in my life. I am just here.
I've fallen into a depression in the past month and I'm just not happy with myself at all. I'm fat, I feel ugly, my clothes don't fit, I have no motivation to do anything but lay in bed. I don't like to wash dishes or clean the house; two things I actually usually enjoy doing. I feel like a failure. A complete failure.
On one positive note, I have been looking for churches to go to, and no, I don't think that's the solution to every problem, but I think it will help me heal. Maybe not financially, but emotionally which will then allow me to heal physically.
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